Socratic Dialogues

On Identity And Ego

FunnyMan: Daddy, did you used to be a baby girl ?
Daddy: You mean like FunnyGirl your sister ?
FunnyMan: Yes.
Daddy: Well, daddy used to be a baby but he was a baby boy and now he is a grown-up man.
FunnyMan. I am grown up too.
Daddy: Yes, very.
FunnyMan: Do you have a penis like me ?
Daddy: I certainly do.
FunnyMan: Are you sure ?
Daddy: [Deflated] Yeeees. [Mental Note: Check junk email folder for relevant helpful advice]

On The Limits Of Contemporary Mathematics

FunnyMan: Is Thomas a big boy?
Daddy: Yes, Thomas is five which is one year older than you.
FunnyMan: I’m a big boy ‘coz I am four. I am bigger than Thomas.
Daddy: No, Five is bigger than four. See, if I have four fingers then hold up another finger then I have five fingers. Five is more than four.
FunnyMan: Yes. And four is bigger than five too.

On Agressive Vegetables

FunnyMan: Daddy, Why does the Tomato Sauce bite itself ?
Daddy: The Tomato Sauce didn’t bite itself, son.
FunnyMan: NO!! Daddy said the Tomato Sauce Bites Itself!
Daddy: [I did ??]…Oh, No, Daddy said that that FunnyGirl is eating Tomato Sauce by itself.
FunnyMan: Yes, the Tomato Sauce bites itself.

On The Philosophy Of Humour
FunnyMan (aged 5): Daddy, I will tell you a joke.
Daddy: Go on then.
FunnyMan: If you were a Sticky Lizard and I covered you in soap and I stuck you to the wall you would be stuck and you would have to eat flies !! (Smiles Broadly)
Daddy: HA HA HA! Very funny, FunnyMan
(Note: This is the first joke my son told me).


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